I'm always looking for the answer.
Not just any answer.
The answer.
When I got married, I read articles and listened to friends, thinking that somehow if I listened enough to everyone I would find the answer that no one else had and have the relationship that everyone envied.
When my kids were born I wanted to know how to raise them perfectly. And so I pumped my friends for information, hoping that if I learned enough I could make child-rearing painless.
When my husband died, I looked to other widows and hoped that one person would give me the answer - the blueprint for the rest of my life and how it was supposed to go.
And when I started writing, I looked to other writers, hoping that they would give me the keys to the kingdom and tell me how. Just how.
For so long, I've been trying to connect the dots...trying to make a bigger picture I couldn't see. I guess I thought that if I paid attention, read, went to workshops, and followed others...they would show me which way to go.
And while that knowledge is helpful, I'm starting to learn one big truth.
That while others might help me connect the dots, the picture is mine to create.
Widow Chick (aka, Catherine Tidd) is the owner of www.theWiddahood.com and the author of the upcoming memoir Confessions of a Mediocre Widow (Jan. 2014). She is also a writer for The Denver Post's Mile High Mamas and a contributor to several books on grief and renewal.
Each "picture" is VERY unique. What works for one may not work the same for another. God helps us connect the dots according to His purpose.
ReplyDeleteYes - it is SO individual. There are certain phrases I've heard a million times throughout these four years, like: "You don't get over it, you get through it" and "finding your new normal." I heard them and thought I understood them, but they didn't really have as much meaning for me until it truly clicked - when I was actually at that point in my life where those phrases had meaning for me. I didn't realize it until I wrote them in my blog. After I wrote them out, I realized that I'd heard them repeated over and over, but it didn't have as much meaning for me until I was "there."
ReplyDeleteLong story short, you'll get there. It does help to read about others' experiences, talk with other widowed people, going to workshops, etc., but you will know when you've reached certain milestones with all this. It's taken me four years to reach some important milestones... I really don't know what's average, but I don't think there is an average time for this stuff. It's so individual.