Monday, May 4, 2015

Is Knowing Half the Battle?

I hope I get this blog right.  I had a brilliant idea as I was putting on my make-up and then lost about half of it when I was drying my hair.

So, here goes.

I was thinking about all that I'd been through with this pesky anxiety business.  Now, I know I wrote about it months ago, but around this time last year, I became dangerously close to being housebound.  I couldn't sit in a restaurant.  A short ride in the car made me dizzy and nauseous and if there happened to be traffic...forget about it.  Sitting in a movie theater was a struggle. 

Really.  This was not a good moment for me.

I tried everything I could last year to treat it "organically" only to cycle around again during the holidays and have one of the worst bouts of anxiety I'd ever had. Seriously.  I wanted to write Amazon a thank you note because without them, my kids wouldn't have had any presents.

I didn't give up, but I went a different direction.  I finally got on some medication that changed where I was headed.  And where I was headed was a very scary place.

As I've written before, this probably started a long time ago but peaked last year just as Confessions of a Mediocre Widow was released.  And after my last book signing in Houston - where I sweated and shook through my speech and then almost had a nervous breakdown on the plane ride home - my life completely changed.

A few months ago, I was asked to speak at an education foundation fundraiser in Portland, OR and I cautiously agreed, thinking that this would be a good goal for me.  I thought I had six months to get myself together and that should be plenty of time.

But let me tell you...that plane ride and speaking engagement loomed before me and caused many a sleepless night.

So, two weeks ago, I boarded a plane, gave a speech, and then got back on a plane to come home.  I know to many of you this doesn't sound like much, but for me it was like ripping off a big band-aid.  In a good way.

If you happened to be in the Denver International Airport parking lot on Friday April 24th, I was the woman sitting in her car, grinning like and idiot and saying, "I'm proud of you" to the rearview mirror.

As I was putting on my make-up this morning, I was thinking about these last couple of weeks and how much better I feel.  I confronted the beast and I conquered it.  If someone asked me to fly somewhere tomorrow, I now have my most recent positive experience to draw from...rather than all of the negative ones from last year.

I think that's true for a lot of what I've been through.  When I think about my husband's birthdays that my kids and I have celebrated...they weren't "awesome" but we were okay.  We got through them.  I've had seven Christmases without him and I'm still here - mainly because I know that I can do it.  I know that there will still be unexpected things that come up, but I can remind myself that unexpected things have always come up. 

And I'm still here.

I think I've posted this picture before, but I love it so I'm going to post it again.  I'm just so darn proud of ALL of us.


2 comments:

  1. I think knowing is half the battle, even if it's a daily one. You did good ;)

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  2. I’m Mercy brown by name I have a few testimony to share with you all about myself, I was in a relationship with this guy and for 3years and we were about getting married when we both have misunderstanding with each other and he ask me for a divorce and we both agreed and after 4months I head that he was having an affair with one of my closest friend and I was very upset and worried so a friend of my advice me and told me if I still love my ex and if I really want to have him back so I told her yes, and she ask me to contact Dr. Madurai the spell caster and I did although I never believe on spell so he gave me something when he was casting the spell and ask me to say my wishes on it and after the casting of the spell a receive a phone call from my ex and was ask me at which I did and now we are back together again I’m so happy and I wish not to ever have this mistake again in my life. I will also advice anyone with this kind of issue to contact him for help he is really nice on phone and always there to answer you question giving you the good advice that you need. his email is maduraitemple@yahoo.com

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