Thursday, July 16, 2015

What the...?

I get a lot more traffic on this blog when I'm unhappy.

I get it.  That's why I have a subscription to US Weekly.  It's not that I want to see people's just that I want to feel like a real person when shit hits the fan.  And celebrity shit seems bigger than mine; therefore I feel better that my shit doesn't warrant a cover story in US Weekly.


I'm happy.  So, if you don't like that, just stop reading now.  I'm not going to dig down to that deep unhappy place to appease the masses. Not to say I won't be unhappy again.  So, stay tuned for later posts if that's what you're looking for.


"I was just thinking of you," said the voicemail recording.  "I know this is a really hard time for you.  Just call me when you get a chance."


Today is July 16th.  Years ago (maybe even last year) I was detailing how agonizing this date was for me.  This was the day of the accident.  Tomorrow would be the full day at the hospital.  The next would be the day he died.

Eight years ago.

And I almost forgot.

It's here, I know it is.  But somehow it doesn't hurt quite as much.  It's not crippling.  It's here and I can give it a slight nod as it passes...and not fall down, gripping its ankles like a person life forgot as I did before.

It's here.

And I'm happy.


To quote my children:  "Whaaaa...?"

I know.  I feel the same way.

If someone had told my shaky, nauseous self last year that this anniversary was going to pass with barely a tremor, I would have said, "Girl, you're crazy."

Actually, it probably would have been more like, "Shut the f--- up and hand me a bucket."

But that's where I am.  No bucket.  No shakes. No nauseous.  I'm living a whole new life I didn't even know was out there.  It has nothing to do with finding a new relationship.  I'm alone and I like it.  The kids are the same; driving me crazy one minute and endearing the next.  I've stopped waiting for my life to begin and for the first time in eight years I actually feel like I'm living it.

I'm in it.


  1. So happy for you!! Glad to know that time helps.

  2. Its been 6 years today since hes been gone. I had lunch with my girls and we laugh at all the good memories we had with him.Last year wasn't so funny. I get you. I'm happily alone too. I start a new job on Monday so we will see were life takes me. One step in front of the other right?

  3. i dont comment on your happy posts because i cant really relate yet. but you give me hope that someday, if i have to live much longer, that I might be happy too.

  4. After 2.5 years, it rolls across my consciousness as "wow, I'm actually happy!?!?". And I savor it before the next wave of deeply buried grief rises.....

  5. 8 years on July 14. And I am happy. I am excited about this thing they call 'future'
    My anniversary passed more with me grieving for the poor girl who had to go through that. The event itself was particularly tragic.
    And mostly I wish he could see who I have become.
    Maybe 8 is the magic number.

  6. I bought your book recently and loved it. I appreciated the honesty and related to so much of it. My husband went out for a bike ride and never came home in August of 2011, almost four years ago. Lately I have realized that living in our home is not the best thing for me, but it is the best thing for my kids for two more years. So I stay here. You moved recently and I see that it has been good for you. I am sure it was a hard decision. I look forward to your posts especially now because I want to see how it went. I am happy you are happy, and I look forward to that myself. Thank you for sharing it.

  7. I absolutely LOVE this Blog! Thank you so much, Catherine! I am so happy for you. You've come an amazingly long way. You truly have a gift when it comes to writing. All the best to you!