I don't know about you, but I spent a little while, after my husband died, trolling the Internet, looking for something, anything about young widows. And it was hard to find.
Actually, let me clarify that. There are a lot of things out there about becoming a young widow, but I was looking for a little less self-help and a little more, "You may think that you're going crazy and guess what? You are!"
I wasn't interested in reading professional literature from a PhD who had not lost anything more significant than a goldfish. I wanted to hear from one of my own. But I couldn't find it.
I guess it makes sense. I mean, most of us who have lost a spouse at a young age still probably have kids at home. We're young enough that our wacky in-laws are still alive, so that takes up extra time. And if that's not enough, we're still trying to decide whether or not to shower in the morning and that decision making process uses up a lot of energy.
Now, don't get me wrong. We young widows can accomplish a lot. We are constantly second guessing ourselves and the decisions we make the moment our spouses hit the dirt. I think we go through more self-scrutiny before our feet hit the floor in the morning than most people do in a lifetime. It's a gift.
So I know you are wondering who I am and why I might understand what you're going through. I'm almost 34 (yikes!) and I lost my husband 3 years ago. It was very sudden...he was involved in an accident on his way to work. When he died, my children were 5, 3, and 1.
For those of you who are now thinking I might sound a little like a bad country song...well...I won't argue with you. Throw in a box of cheap wine and an outdated wardrobe and I think I fit the profile.
In the 3 years since I've been at the widow game, I feel like I've heard it all, seen it all, and if I haven't experienced it I know someone who has. I've been through counseling, group counseling, kids counseling, and my fair share of mediums. I won't say that I'm an expert, but if there is such a thing as a professional widow, I think I've at least earned my amateur status. I'm hoping to make the "Widows on Ice" tour within the next year.
So, here I am. Writing this to commiserate with you, laugh with you, and just get through the next day with you. If you are not yet to the point where you can sometimes look at the surreal situation you now find yourself in and laugh, this may not be the right spot for you quite yet. But if you are remotely getting to where you think, "Did that just happen to me?" then stick around.
'Cause we've got some bloggin' to do.
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© Catherine Tidd 2010