Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Welcome to the Wide World of Widows

I don't know about you, but I spent a little while, after my husband died, trolling the Internet, looking for something, anything about young widows. And it was hard to find.

Actually, let me clarify that. There are a lot of things out there about becoming a young widow, but I was looking for a little less self-help and a little more, "You may think that you're going crazy and guess what? You are!"

I wasn't interested in reading professional literature from a PhD who had not lost anything more significant than a goldfish. I wanted to hear from one of my own. But I couldn't find it.

I guess it makes sense. I mean, most of us who have lost a spouse at a young age still probably have kids at home. We're young enough that our wacky in-laws are still alive, so that takes up extra time. And if that's not enough, we're still trying to decide whether or not to shower in the morning and that decision making process uses up a lot of energy.

Now, don't get me wrong. We young widows can accomplish a lot. We are constantly second guessing ourselves and the decisions we make the moment our spouses hit the dirt. I think we go through more self-scrutiny before our feet hit the floor in the morning than most people do in a lifetime. It's a gift.

So I know you are wondering who I am and why I might understand what you're going through. I'm almost 34 (yikes!) and I lost my husband 3 years ago. It was very sudden...he was involved in an accident on his way to work. When he died, my children were 5, 3, and 1.


For those of you who are now thinking I might sound a little like a bad country song...well...I won't argue with you. Throw in a box of cheap wine and an outdated wardrobe and I think I fit the profile.

In the 3 years since I've been at the widow game, I feel like I've heard it all, seen it all, and if I haven't experienced it I know someone who has. I've been through counseling, group counseling, kids counseling, and my fair share of mediums. I won't say that I'm an expert, but if there is such a thing as a professional widow, I think I've at least earned my amateur status. I'm hoping to make the "Widows on Ice" tour within the next year.

So, here I am. Writing this to commiserate with you, laugh with you, and just get through the next day with you. If you are not yet to the point where you can sometimes look at the surreal situation you now find yourself in and laugh, this may not be the right spot for you quite yet. But if you are remotely getting to where you think, "Did that just happen to me?" then stick around.

'Cause we've got some bloggin' to do.

For more blogs and articles from other widow writers, join us at www.theWiddahood.com!

© Catherine Tidd 2010


  1. I am so happy that you started writing a blog. It can be really therapeutic and wonderful to share your experiences and hear from others in your situation. I think there is a taboo about talking about death in our culture and its wonderful you are bringing it to light with honesty and a dash of humor so it can be read by all.

    And this comes from a Ph.D. without a goldfish. ;) But more so, it comes from your friend from back in the day at UNC, thinking of how strong you are! Oh, and I can't wait for your book!

  2. Wonderful blog. I love your sense of humor. I was widowed six weeks ago today.

  3. Wow, your writing reads like one of those "I can't put it down" books. Keep going. I love it.

  4. I love this blog. I am 21 and have recently lost my partner, and am busy going completely mad. I've been searching for a blog exactly like this. In fact I am thinking of starting my own. But I'm glad I'm not the only one.

  5. I wish I had known you three years ago...that's the year I lost my husband too and I did the same as you...searched the web trying to find anything I could relate to. That's when I finally started writing my blog. It sure helped. And yes, It also helps to know we are not totally crazy...at first it sure feels that way. Thankfully, for me things have gotten better. I have three kids too, but mine are grown. My husband had been ill 18 years and I lived with the fear that he would die while my guys were little. I am so sorry that this is what you've experienced. I wish I lived near you; wish I could reach out to you. I know as hard as this has been for me, I can't imagine how you are doing it with young children. God Bless you! Keep your AWESOME sense of humor. I plan to read all your blogs from the very beginning. Although we have a significant age difference, I am guessing we still have so many similarities. My blog is: WWW.sunshine-widowsworld.blogspot.com

  6. It is tough to find blogs or anything to help us. I was widowed 3 years ago and started a blog then. In part to help me remember the things about our life and in part to help me make it through some tough times. My blog is www.anightintheforest.blogspot.com started back in 2007. I have enjoyed reading your posts and you touch on so many things that are so true for widows. Thank you.

  7. I love your blog... when you start the Widows on Ice tour, can I join?! I'm getting to the Advanced Amateur Widow Level too!