This is a completely random, unplanned (and I try to plan everything in my life) blog. But I think there’s something you should know about me.
I’m an incredibly oversensitive person.
This trait, that I have thought of as a curse most of my life, has somehow turned into something that is not so bad.
I was the youngest in the family who would cry when someone looked at her the wrong way. Who would pay attention to the tone someone used more than the words. Who knew when someone was happy or sad…and they didn’t have to say anything.
I want you to know that…because I’m the person you’re talking to.
With every story, every comment, I see myself in you. My husband may have died suddenly, but when you write that your spouse died battling cancer or an illness you just didn’t see coming…I put myself in your place. I think of the mere 3 days I spent in the hospital with my husband and I wonder if I would have had the strength to do what you did.
When you write about how your spouse decided to end their life…I think about the time I spent trying to pull my husband out of bouts of depression so low…I felt helpless and guilty. Wondering what I had done to make that happen.
When you write about how your life suddenly changed when you least expected it…I remember how mine did too. And I will say that 3 years later, my good days outweigh my bad…but the bad ones are still heavy
The bottom line is that it doesn’t matter how long we’ve “known”…death is still sudden.
I’m writing this because I just want you all to know how I feel when I read what you write. And believe me…I read it all.
I feel empowered…because I know you’re going through it with me. And on the days I’m low, there is always someone who picks me up.
I feel helpless…because if we’re all going through it together…why can’t we just all make it better now?
I feel hopeful…because every day I wake up and know that I have people who support me. They don’t know me…but they support me. And there are some days…that’s all I need to know.
I just wanted to tell you this because I don’t always respond to everything. But I read it all. I feel it all. And do you want to know why?
Because you’re doing the same for me.