This is a completely random, unplanned (and I try to plan everything in my life) blog. But I think there’s something you should know about me.
I’m an incredibly oversensitive person.
This trait, that I have thought of as a curse most of my life, has somehow turned into something that is not so bad.
I was the youngest in the family who would cry when someone looked at her the wrong way. Who would pay attention to the tone someone used more than the words. Who knew when someone was happy or sad…and they didn’t have to say anything.
I want you to know that…because I’m the person you’re talking to.
With every story, every comment, I see myself in you. My husband may have died suddenly, but when you write that your spouse died battling cancer or an illness you just didn’t see coming…I put myself in your place. I think of the mere 3 days I spent in the hospital with my husband and I wonder if I would have had the strength to do what you did.
When you write about how your spouse decided to end their life…I think about the time I spent trying to pull my husband out of bouts of depression so low…I felt helpless and guilty. Wondering what I had done to make that happen.
When you write about how your life suddenly changed when you least expected it…I remember how mine did too. And I will say that 3 years later, my good days outweigh my bad…but the bad ones are still heavy
The bottom line is that it doesn’t matter how long we’ve “known”…death is still sudden.
I’m writing this because I just want you all to know how I feel when I read what you write. And believe me…I read it all.
I feel empowered…because I know you’re going through it with me. And on the days I’m low, there is always someone who picks me up.
I feel helpless…because if we’re all going through it together…why can’t we just all make it better now?
I feel hopeful…because every day I wake up and know that I have people who support me. They don’t know me…but they support me. And there are some days…that’s all I need to know.
I just wanted to tell you this because I don’t always respond to everything. But I read it all. I feel it all. And do you want to know why?
Because you’re doing the same for me.
You know Catherine, you and I do a lot the same thing. We both support other widows and widowers in their journey. Our styles are different, but that is beautiful, it means each of us will reach people in different ways. That said, I have to tell you I am EXACTLY like you describe. Reading other people's stories, or answering questions, I feel what they feel how they felt (or it feels that way). I am in awe of these people we meet and share their stories. I think we can both agree it is a real honor to be allowed into their lives like this. Just like this post...I was blessed to read it and felt closer to you because it is hard to describe to people how I can love them, feel with them, and mourn with them...you did it! <3 Keep up the good work Widow Chick.
ReplyDelete;-)
Catherine,
ReplyDeleteThat is so why I read all these blogs and pages! I see that each and every one of us feels like the others are stronger than us. That we need each other to keep going. That we feel each and every story that we read. I didn't think that I needed to join these groups until a friend lost her husband only two months after I did. When I saw her joining all these groups I took a look, and have been forever glad I did. You say the things that I can not put into words! Thank you!
This is a safe place for me because it's the only place where so many people "get it". I see the history of my grief in the posts and know that I am not crazy. We are all on the same journey and it's going to be OK. Thank you for giving me this safe place.
ReplyDeleteIt's true that many sites are here for us, and all of them are needed. The groups we share are unique in many ways that perhaps only soldiers can understand.
ReplyDeleteWe all get what we need, ( that changes each day)from each place. We are not judged by anyone. And as I said often, the word (((hugs))) means more to me than most any other note from anyone else. we all know the urge we have to hold the person that we read about and give them strength. We cannot and we can only express understanding this way. I love how this is written and shared. I believe we all feel things a little more than most people and love/hate the super ability. It allows us to love as deep as we do, but hurt just as deeply, and feel saddness and sorrow.
Thank you so much for this note we all needed to hear. Thank you for letting us share our pain and accepting it.
Elaine Palos
Some of your words in this post reminded me of something my daughter said, when we were in hospice, a few days before her father died, that just tore my heart out: "I just can't believe, all these people wanting this not to happen so badly, and it doesn't make one bit of difference." Oh, God, sweetheart - I would give anything for this not to be your lesson.
ReplyDeleteYou all have meant the world to me this year. I swear reading other peoples' struggles with this is the only thing that kept me sane. How did people do it before all this technology.