I stole that line. I stole it from Harper Lee's Go Set a Watchman. But since I suspect that manuscript was in some ways stolen from her...I think it's okay.
But that's another blog.
I spent three years in a relationship where I was basically manipulated and sometimes verbally abused. I could say a lot more about it, but I won't. I really should, but I won't.
When this other person wasn't getting his way, he would call me many things...one of which was selfish; which I think we all are to a certain extent (and if we aren't, maybe we should be). And of all the names he called me...that was the one that never really hit my soul.
You know why?
Well, after reading that quote, I do.
Because it wasn't true.
It's funny. Being selfish is probably one of my biggest fears. Which is probably why I'm not. And I know I'm not. I'm a good friend. I will help you pick up all of your pieces if you let me. I give what I can (but I am learning to save a little)
This person would say this to me, push my buttons and make me prove it wasn't true. For years I couldn't figure out why it didn't hurt me when he said it - maybe I was just too cold? Maybe I was so selfish I didn't even see it?
Or maybe it didn't hurt me because it wasn't true.
I guess some people might think this blog is self-serving.
I'm just proud of myself for knowing who I was before I knew it.