Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I'm Taking the Gloves Off...It's In-Law Time

I am now on my second attempt to write a blog about in-laws. The truth is, once I started writing the first one and I got to about the 576th page, I realized that this may take several volumes. So be advised…I’m just chipping off a little piece of the iceberg. Right now, I’m tensing just about every bone in my body as I attempt to slide down this slippery slope of a relationship. I hope you appreciate it. I know I’ll be feeling it tomorrow.

I have found that there’s usually no middle ground with in-laws. Most people, when you ask them about their relationship with their in-laws after the death of their spouse, don’t say, “Well, they’re fine. I enjoy them when I see them, but if they don’t come by I’m okay with that too.”

That would be Choice A. And the two of you out there who have it…well…you’ve struck gold.

Then there’s choice B: They might be genuinely loving and helpful. And suffocate you a little on the side.

Choice C: You’ve filed a restraining order.

And then there’s the rarely chosen D: The ones who have great parents AND great in-laws with whom you genuinely enjoy spending time with. Together. At the same time. Those of you who have that have either really paid your dues at some point or were saints in your former lives. I have no idea what the hell happened in my previous life, but my in-law karma is not the best.

Anyway.

I’ve got a theory. You know I always do. As uneducated and misguided as it may be.

I think that most of the time, when the in-laws fall on the more likeable side, it’s because you may have had a little bit of a rocky relationship with your own parents. And that’s okay. I’m not judging. Shoot. The fact that my parents will even throw me a bone, much less go to dinner with me…well…that speaks volumes.

For them.

No…I’m not kidding. I was not always as put together as you think of me today. At one point in my life, I would really speak my own mind. I would say what I thought before the thought had even fully formed. And then I would watch my parents’ faces as they looked like they were getting blind-sided by a semi in slow motion.

Thank God I stopped doing that last week.

I wouldn’t trade the relationship I have with my parents for anything. Heck…they’re great. Beyond great. I’m thinking about erecting statues in my front yard of my entire immediate family. God knows they’ve earned it for putting up with me during the last few years.

I’m just waiting on HOA approval.

But if there are deals to be made…could I exchange about 5% of my good relationship with my parents for a 5% increase in my relationship with my in-laws? Tell you what…I’ll give you one extra disagreement with my mom about my wardrobe if you give me a couple of birthday cards for my kids from my in-laws. Deal?

Wait…who in the hell am I talking to? Ah yes. Reality. And Reality hasn’t listened to me in a few years, so I guess I better just save it.

So here we are. We promised “til death do us part.” And, if I remember correctly, there was no fine print. There was nothing that said:

Unless the first party should pass on waaaaaay earlier than the second party (that’d be you) anticipated, therefore entitling the second party to a lifetime of servitude and polite smiles while the third party (that’d be the in-laws) shall run over the second party with an emotional steamroller, thereby ensuring the second party at least 30 extra years in therapy.

The truth is that even in good times, the in-law relationship is a little complicated. Those men out there who are reading this…I’m sorry…you can usually complain all you want about your mothers-in-law. But try navigating a relationship with a woman whose baby you stole and had the nerve to marry. It’s not pretty. For most of us women…our parents were just happy to get us off their hands. I mean, my dad told me that he would give me $50 cash and a ladder if I promised to elope and spare him the cost of a big wedding.

I was about 12 at the time.

So we’re all already up to our ears in in-law quicksand and then our spouses get sick or die suddenly. And if that doesn’t complicate an already complicated relationship, I don’t know what does. If you were able to get through the illness without incident, I applaud you. If you managed to get out of the hospital on speaking terms, you should get a medal. And if you happened to get your spouse to his/her final resting place and still have any sort of contact with your in-laws, then I’m going to add you to those statues I’m putting up in my front yard.

Unless you’re one of those people who fell under choice D. You guys have had it too good already.


© Catherine Tidd 2010

31 comments:

  1. My husband's death was by suicide. For so long I felt I was alone in the rocky road of relationships with the in laws...well they now tell me(when it's that time to argue about something I did wrong to their son) I am the ex in law. Thank you for writing this! I have learned that even if my husband was hit by a bus they would still blame me in some way!

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    1. My husband's death was by suicide as well, and trying and doing the right thing that I thought I was doing by telling them I'm ready to move on and that I have meant someone before anyone else was ok. Our relationship has split us apart and now that I am engaged I'm fighting a ugly battle of my soon to be ex-mother in law that she thought it was ok to request and ask for my rings that he gave me that he purchase not an heirloom. I know there anger will always be towards me because its easier to be mad at me then him. But it was my life also that was taken away from me that day to, just as much as his and there's. Thank you for this, it helps to know I'm not alone in this.

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  2. Cath, you just hit the right notes for writing this article. I felt like I was the one writing upon comprehending every single line. Though I'm still in "speaking terms"-should I call it "in communication"- with my in-laws, I can claim it "against" some bank stuffs that we're processing at this time. I'm just crossing my fingers on the continuation of this communication with them...And I would claim to have my statue built in your yard... just in case. lol!

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  3. I remember in the beginning I felt so guilty that I survived and he didn't, so I tried to make it up to them and to my kids, I took my BIL to Mexico and gave him a season ski pass so he could ski with his niece and nephew (maybe get out of the casinos), gave my kids a vehicle (well their Dad wanted them to have our cars so I could finally get a new one) bought my MIL a furnace....I have finally come to the realization that it is alright that I survived. My BIL started telling family that I forced a ski pass on him and he didn't really want to go to Mexico ( a 5 star resort in the Mayan, the guy hasn't travelled as an adult). My in-laws tried to tell me what to do, how to be financially responsible, hmmm let me see, are they? No, not at all, I have had to help them with their financial decisions, then they question me? I guess I feel angry because it doesn't seem like they appreciate everything I did for their son/brother, they never said thank-you, I worked, raised the kids, took him to chemo, Dr.'s appointments, asked for second and third opinions, when he had an aneurism and they flew him from one city to the next I drove like crazy to be there, while driving I arranged for someone to look after my kids (we were camping and the kids were still at the lake with friends) arranged for my BIL to meet me so we could hop on a ferry and travel together, talked to Dr.'s to ensure they had his medical history when he arrived etc. I had to have the heart to hearts with my SIL, she wanted to know if her mother was still welcome in my house, my BIL felt he could come over, drink my beer, watch my tv and veg on my sofa and that was his way of spending time with the kids. You know what, I am over it, I decided a few months ago not to feel "survivor guilt" I will be fine. I can't post this on Facebook mind you as some of my in-laws are my "friends". It did take me a while to learn how to stand up to them and not feel guilty. THank-you for letting me rant....... ;)

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    1. I just don't get it! I was married for 24 years. Raised three strong sons - watched my husband die of cancer - doing the exact same thing...chemo..doctors appts...stay at home, raise the kids, mom...once he was gone...I am just a door mat who deserves nothing...like it is my fault. How can inlaws who loved you - now treat you like crap? I even gave my graveyard plot to my BIL who died to be next to my husband. I'll I'm trying to do is survive - been 8 years =

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    2. Wow. I thought I was the only one. My husband died suddenly and we were separated for 6 months prior to his death, but we were making plans to move back in together and try again just before he died. I guess because of this separation I deserved to have my husbands guns taken by my BIL who stated that they were "his inheritance", and my teen daughters deserved to have the insurance money that was left to them (tens of thousands of dollars) "borrowed" without notice by my FIL. Apparently, what their son left on this earth was theirs for the taking. Needless to say, I don't want any more in-laws.

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    3. My husband died almost 3 years ago from cancer when we were expecting him to make it. Since then my life has been a living hell. My husband mis-managed our finances (we were going to do a Chapter 7 before he went into the hospital) and he never came out. He died a horrible death. He left me nothing. I also have a mentally challenged young adult daughter who fell apart after his death. I managed to get a job after being laid off from a job of 20 years only to lose it because my daughter was contemplating suicide and I could not concentrate at work. I got fired. I have been unemployed for 13 months, went through bankruptcy, lost my unemployment, house is in forclosure and gained weight (all the inlaws talk about that) and am at the end of my rope. They treated me fine when my husband was alive but after his death I am pretty much on my own. My folks died when my daughter was one (she is 20 now) and all they do is criticize me. I want so badly to break ties with them because I find myself resenting them so badly.

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  4. Am I allowed to fall somewhere inbetween options A and B???

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  5. my husbands family were apalling, they hid his ex wife at is funeral, they never offered any kind of condolences to our children,6,13,18,they behaved like the ignorant idiots that they are at his wake, and the day after the funeral i changed my phone number and will never speak to any of them again,their loss,i could write paragraphs about their childish, insensitive behaviour, when he was dying, but i know my husband can see how they behaved, and thats enough for me .

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  6. I sort of have a combo thing going on. The parent ILs are pretty cool with me, although I rarely hear from them. But the sibling ILs...they are just plain cold to me. They don't blame me for Mike's illness, but they sure don't think of me as part of his family either. The beautiful slide-show them made of his pictures included pictures where they had cut my children out. I got one whole picture in the set that included me in it. Even when I went up there in May to be with them to spread his ashes...SIL took bunches of pictures of everyone including non-relatives...everyone that is except me. But that's okay. The siblings were not there as supportive figures when Mike was alive (before he got sick) so I don't need them now that he is dead. But I do appreciate how his parents, while not very good at keeping in touch, did tell I am still family to them and they took good care of me when I was up there for the ash spreading.

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  7. I am fortunate enough to have a great set of in-laws & step-in laws. All still contact me on a regular basis (we live in different states) and still include me as part of the family.
    My SIL has become a great friend and my FIL is one of my trusted confidants. His wife & I never got along well before (not sure if anyone gets along with her, actually) so we definitely don't now. I just don't have any communication with her & everything's fine. No kids to worry about makes it easy.
    Anonymous for obvious reasons :)

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  8. My husband did not have a good relationship with his parents before he died. But his sister who has always been a great friend told her father that he needs to make amends with my husband before his surgery. The father in law did that, and told me how wonderful I was by looking after my husband while he was in the hospital. When Steve's condition got worse his mother was informed of how bad he was and that she should travel from Florida to come see him. My husband had not had a realationship with his mother for years. I met her at the door of his hospital room to explaine to her that even thought he was out of it I didnt think it was a good idea for her to speak to him, I felt if he could hear her voice he would know how bad he really was and realise he was dying and I didnt want that. She stood by his side (granted she hadn't seen or talked to him in years) and touched him and I hope she felt guilty. She told me at his funeral that she would stay in touch with me and be a grandmother to our three children. I never heard from her again, its 10 years later. I later found out that she told a family member that she will never contact me or her grandchildren because I would not let her talk to her son. ( I cant make this stuff up, I swear). My husbands father lives 15 minutes away from me. He tried for a bit but there really wasnt a relationship their either. A few years ago I snapped. He sent my three kids Christmas cards, probably with the check for the usual $25.00 in each card. I took those cards and ripped them up, I called him and told him that my kids dont need his money they need his time. If he cant do that then there is no need to stay in contact with us. We have not heard from him since. My kids have seen him at family gatherings on their fathers side, I dont go to anything that he attends. My kids say hello, they are polite but thats as far as it goes. My sister in laws have always been a part of my kids lives and I am thankful for that.

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  9. My in laws have always treated me awful. So fake in front of me but nice to my face. I go to family functions and I feel unwanted. I stay away and that gives them more reason to hate me. I cant ever win and I get constantly crapped on for being nice. I miss having my husband to back me up.

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    1. Same experience I'm having. Do u have children? If so ,r they adults, do they want to have a relationship w their fathers family? I believe u r experiencing bullying by ur in laws. They gain power,encouragement and pleasure by controlling ur attendance, requiring an explanation for ur absence. Do u also notice a combined effort by the majority of ur in laws to evaluate u. Most likely u rarely received praise or comfort, always a bad report card. This is very common. Periodically u may experience an elevated level of feeding frenzy from the outlaws. Does this connect w ur experience?

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  10. I lost my husband to cancer this past summer and just found out that my FIL has been sending out e-mails(3 so far that I know of) to family members that I am very depressed. I am still trying to figure out why he did this over and over again. I am so angry just because I am definitely not depressed, am just trying to do my best to raise my two boys aged 5 & 2 on my own and really cannot figure why he is doing this behind my back. I have come to terms with my husbands illness and death and between working full time and raising my kids, there is no opportunity to get depressed. My MIL claims ignorance to the e-mails when I confronted her. They came by to visit and plan on spending two months watching my kids. They seem friendly on the surface but seem to be holding a lot of resentment in their hearts. I am torn between just asking them to return sooner or just ignoring their actions just so my kids can have their grandparents in their lives. Wondering if things will ever get better with them and if its healthy and worth it to even try. I really miss my husband - he would;ve had my back if he was around.

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  11. When my beloved John died last july; we had 2 memorial services, one for us and the other for THEM (the in-laws). I have not seen any of them since. His sister had made life a living hell for John for years before his death, and I want nothing further to do with her or her spawn. Is that nasty, or what?

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    1. No but they r nasty. Good for u to set boundaries. They sound toxic. Stay healthy. Therefore happy

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  12. Lucky me.....Aug/31,2014
    When my wife passed away it was very sudden. We had been married for 43 years together for 45. All her family was there within a 36 hr. and very supportive of me and my two children.
    Fast forward to today (1yr.) and NOTHING has changed I'm still invited to all family functions, invited for dinner occasionally visit MIL every Sunday along with the rest of them.
    Didn't know how good I had it till I started reading these posts. I feel so bad for those of you who would like a relationship with your IL.

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  13. It's so sad how much love and support you can give to your spouse, and then after they pass, the family acts like you do not exist. It is so hurtful - like just another piece of him that you lose.....

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  14. I am relieved by much that has been said here. I find it very awkward to be the daughter-in-law with child, after my husband (their son) committed suicide in 2011. There was no will. We were together 22 years. A house, car, child, shared expenses....and what happened? The in-laws tried to claim all of his money and property. Mind you, I was naive and didn't have our accounts as joint. We trusted each other enough to not need that. But in the end, it didn't serve. His parents, although they have been very kind to our child, and even though they said to their friends and acquaintances around me that I was his wife, tried to claim that I was the long-time girlfriend! You see, in PA, there was common-law marriage, which was legal and was what we had opted to do. The suicide was devastating, and, being in shock, I immediately did what I needed to to be there for our child who was 5. The in-laws never consulted me about his funeral but simply told me when and where it would be. Then they told me their rabbi will not allow children at the funeral! They didn't want my & our friends to come to the house afterward "because our house is not prepared for a lot of people." They tried to get social security for our child without consulting me. They went to their lawyer & called me and told me they would "take care of the money." They lied to me - even saying that their son's account would not provide funding for private education if it were to go to our daughter. I admit I was way too trusting. My husband was bipolar and became more so when he was diagnosed with cancer. But he himself found natural ways to tackle it & got better. I see now how his parents exhibit the same "bipolar" behavior. I am just observing. It is a difficult way to live and I hope anyone with this can find a way to live in harmony with themself. The bottom line is, through all of this, I learned how to stand up for myself and my family, set good boundaries, and, in the end, have come out of it with a real sense of maturity and strength as a woman and mother. I am sorry my husband could not find that in himself as strongly. His parents were controlling, manipulative, and belittled him. They eve said to me "He wasn't mentally capable of being married!". What fools these mortals be. We all know, as women, who our man is - which is very different from seeing who our child is. We will never see our child the way we see our spouse, which is how it needs to be. But we should never underestimate them either. The in-law is a not always who we wish them to be, and for those of you who have such wonderful in-laws, I say you are very wise to have chosen a spouse with such a wonderful family & I applaud you for knowing that you are valuable and deserve to be treated with value and respect.

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    1. This situtation is almost identical to my own. I have a child was pregnant at the passing of my partner was living together almost a decade but never married just engaged they gave me a small amount and kept hold of the rest. There was no will so really it should have gone to probate who take there time in with my son would of been born and would have been chosen as the beneficiary. They gave a small amount to me to bring it down to a amount where probate don't deal with it. They arnt silly. My partners family had me believing everything was taken care of with regards to funeral bills as I had a baby and rent. Then they ended up taking it for his funeral six months after the bill for the funeral had been settled. After I got financial support from local charity events how very deceiving. After a decade together even tried to accuse me of infidelity which broke my heart as never would I ever cheat on my late partner just didn't want to believe my child was there sons so they felt better keeping my child's inheritance.

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  15. My Name is Jones Benady from Australia..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster DR ODIMILI when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos h ave tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..DR ODIMILI The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out........ CONTACT THIS POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TODAY VIA EMAIL:hamonyspellcaster1957@gmail.com

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  16. I should honestly have known how it would play put, only a few weeks after Kevin passed did the claws come out and the rude and hurtful comments begin. From implying that I forced my husband to be a father to pressuring him into marrying me. It makes me physically ill to recall the comments. Then onto the money part and the things and encouraging his ex to harass me over personal belongings she thought she was entitled to...that said I made the decision to limit contact as our kids (his step sons and our daughter together) didn't seem to matter anymore. Hurtful is what it is but as it has been proven the in law relationship often doesn't stand the test of a loss.

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  17. My husband was having affairs all over the place. He was mentally and physically abusive and an alcoholic and he blamed me for his misfortunes. He would blow his checks on beer or slugs. He cashed in his retirements without me knowing and refinanced tell house too without my knowledge. He canceled his life insurance policies too. He unexpectedly passed after some time in the hospital. The inlaws showed up in droves making comments about me at the hospital. Blaming me when we had no idea he was sick. They were rude to me and our children. Saying they should have been better kids. To an alcoholic? Please! They are good kids. And I was a faithful wife. After he died they ended all contact with us. But let's not skip over how they made demands about a service when he passed and how half his immediate family didn't show out of hate for us. At a time that we loved them they abandoned us. They severed all ties with us. That's too bad because I did love my husband and their kids miss their dad. I hope some day that my inlaws, who behaved horribly during his passing, are treated the same way when they are at their lowest so they know how it feels. Oh and the old man inlaw? When he showed up at the hospital? The first words out of his mouth were that his son owed him money. Not, how is he? What happened? Is he ok? No. He wanted me to know that he had given my husband an old hand tool he wanted back. So on one hand, I'm glad they are gone. On he other hand, if they only knew the true suffering we had daily trying to manage alcoholic behavior. They should have been there for support. Instead we've been dropped like we never existed. I pray some day they get treated the same way.

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  18. Thank you! I have dealt with a SIL with undiagnosed and politely ignored (by her brothers and mom) personality disorder for close to 14 years of knowing my husband. Luckily, the fact that she lives 800 miles (several states) away makes life bearable as she has threatened calling police and taking my children (I am a teacher who happens to be a damn good mom) since my husband died. Her words to me, "You are nothing! I am his (my husband's) blood!" when the hospital came to me instead of her during his illness. Needless to say, I have since attempted to remove her specific poison from my children's and my lives. She still texts my 6 year old at 11 pm in the hopes that he will have my cell (of course my 6 year old doesn't have a cell) and is literate and awake enough to read it. She also still sends him mail, in care of my mother's address, even though she has our address. She completely has forgotten my older 15 year old son, but he was already 3 months old when my husband and I met, so obviously my older son does not fit the whole idea of "blood".

    Anyways, she rolled into town today for her summer vacation. All other in-laws are out of state as they relocated 15-20 years ago, leaving just my husband to tend the family home (owned now by my SIL). A kind friend let me know she was here, and honestly, it turns my stomach inside out with what she might pull while here. Her controlling, narcissistic behavior is not anything I ever care to deal with again, and I hope she enjoys her vacation far, far away from my boys and me.

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  19. I was searching for articles like this because I am a recent widow dealing with this issues. My husband was sick and passed away at an early age (early thirties). We had chosen not to have kids despite a decade together and now the in-law relationship is a mess. If I hear the word "entitled" one more time I may scream. She wants everything of her son's regardless of the fact that it is also mine, she's "entitled to it". She has told people "Oh go get that from his house. I gave it to him as a Christmas gift and now you can have it" even though it's a item that I still use daily. I let her stay at my house when I was away once thinking it would comfort her and came home to missing items and items with tags saying "I want this" all over the house. She had gone through every room and every item deciding what she wanted. I haven't even been able to process a lot of stuff in my house yet due to the pain and those that I have have been items that I needed to sell (automobiles etc) to help pay all the bills that accumulated and that there were still monthly payments being made towards something that was now sitting there unused. Even then I am told I should have just given them to her (even though payments were still being made on them and they were worth a lot of money AND the items and loans were in my name) because she was "entitled" to it.

    My husband wasn't an only child, he just had a helicopter mom who never outgrew it even once he was on his own and then married. I was close to his family throughout out entire relationship but now I am struggling to maintain a decent relationship with them. Some part of me wants to cut them out completely but I know that isn't fair, however I can't deal with fighting about every little decision I make even if they should have no part in that decision.

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  20. My husband died of a heart attack last month while working out of state. That was bad enough, because I wasn't with him. We have a 17 year old son too. It's just been so heartbreaking. Making the situation even worse is my father and mother in law have been to my house twice only to break into my house while I was not home to steal my husbands belongings. The third time my father in law came over and pulled a gun on me demanding my husbands boat. As I was calling 911, he tried to run me over with his truck. The second time he did knock me down with the truck, and now my knee is injured. My husband was the only income our Family had. I am 54, now trying to enter the workforce in this technology age. My in laws also hired them an attorney wanting to obtain items. They dont seem to understand that everything by law hoes to the spouse. I have no idea what got into these two people. I thought we had a nice relationship. I have always had to deal with boundary issues with them. It's just amazing how people can be, and turn on someone during a time like this. I will say he was arrested for assault, and he is now having charges coming to him from the DA office. Their attorney is wanting me to drop charges. No way in hell is that going to happen.

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    1. Wow sounds like me we should talk u can email me at kcalhoun143@outlook.com

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  21. My in laws have been the most horrible people!!! I am white and he was black and his mother is african and acts like I am the white devil. He died 11-16-2014, and we were together for 13 years. It makes me sick that they do not contact my daughters who are 11 & 10. They don't call for days or any holidays. I am so hurt by her and I will never forgive her for doing this but I wanna say it and get it off my chest. I told her I was moving to be with my new fiancé and she got upset and took my car that was in her name at 10pm. I was making payments on it and insurance so no problems there. And not only that but I did that cause I didn't want her credit to go bad and therefor mine went to shit!! Yeah I had a brand new car on a lease I could have kept!!! But me being the nice lady and trying to keep a price of their daddy I kept that car!! But yeah inlaws are a joke on this side!! It is so sad people can't get over themselves and stop being so selfish!!

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  22. Omg .. all these story that sound a lot like mine.
    We were not maried when he died in an accident at 30. We were together for 10 years and were planning to have kids. Same story here! I slept at my mother's house after the accident because I couldn't bear to be in our appartement. Less than 2 weeks after his death the MIL (who treated me like her own daughter for 10 years) wanted to come get his stuff at our appartement. She even claimed the bed because she knew it was an item he bought not so long ago. I didn't want any mess with her so I went there and gave them a lot of his stuff just to content her. She tried by a lot of channel to have the bed (but not calling me?!) finally a mutual friend was able to explain patiently to her that it was my bed too and that's when she finally let go of the rest of his stuff and stop talking to me altogether.
    As we where not married everything in his name went to them and I never asked for anything even though we shared all expenses and saving for 10 years. But I'm still the bad one who stole him away and kept the bed!
    All I wanted in this story was to share the pain maybe, sharing an understanding that I knew how hard it was for me and let them know I knew it was hard for them as well.
    My FIL was nice and was not the architect of the looting of the appartement he asked me politely for some precise things he wanted and I was so glad I could give it to him!
    I also happen to saw some cropped picture of (not) me beside him on the Facebook account of one of the BIL, you can see my hands but that's it. I would love to understand what happened and why these things seems to happen so often.

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  23. I've had the worst time with mine and still am. Stemming from my mother in law. She's a very cold woman and for ten years she's been very faulse and given me the insults with a fake smile in front of her son. Once my back was turned they would talk rubbish about me and my partners relationship which was nothing wrong with and they where just jealous as there's was a mess and still is. Whilst carrying his child after he passed I was asked why I would be needing a DNA from my late partner as it was for the father to go down on a birth certificate that's the only way you can get it on there. She was trying to insinuate i was having an affair and didn't know who the daddy was!! I loved my partner dearly and we'd been trying for a baby for a while. I'd never of cheated on him he was my absolute world. His sister barely saw my late partner and now barely sees or has any interest in his child either. To top it all off they took a massive amount of his money six months after his passing to my surprise. There was so many lies as to why they where keeping hold of it but they soon made it clear. I was even asked for some of it a week after he passed. Facebook tells lots of lies people who put tributes up but don't and have never bothered with me or my late partner, for the sake of likes which is twisted. I'm now at the end of my tether being after being accused stolen from, lied too in the most awful time of my while life.
    Now I have a new partner and he's wonderful with my son and so supportive yet I was told I shouldn't of been expected to go on a date till my toddler was an adult! Gone past caring anymore. My late partner would be very proud of me and want me to ignore this BS because he knew things where not right with them when it come to me. Him having to stick up for me many times. True colours show more when someone dies.

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