It's December. Now All of the Decorations That Have Been Up Since June Finally Make Sense

Well, here we are.  December is here.  Some of us are looking forward to the holidays.  Some of us would rather fast forward through the holidays.  And some of us are still hungover from Thanksgiving.

I am a bizarre mixture of all three.

I know I’m not the only one who has noticed that it seems like the Christmas season starts earlier each year.  One day I was taking down my flags from the 4^th of July and the next (and I mean literally the next…as in July 5^th)…Hobby Lobby had their Christmas ornaments out and blinking Christmas trees on display that seemed to mock me as I walked in to buy pinwheels for my summer potted plants.

I know that all of these stores think that they are doing us all a huge favor by inducing holiday madness 6 months early.  But in truth, I think they’re diluting the whole thing.  My kids don’t get excited for Christmas when they’re running around in shorts and flip-flops.   And so by the time the holiday season actually rolls around, they’re kind of like, “Oh, great.  Another Santa.  Been there, done that.”

Nordstrom gained a life-long customer in me when they posted a sign this fall, explaining their holiday decorating policies:

Even though they can be a little pricey, it’s worth it to me to pay $20 for a pair of socks, just so I don’t have to walk through tinsel in June to get to them.

I actually had a neighbor put up and turn on their Christmas lights at the beginning of October.  The first night it happened, I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt.

“Well, I guess it makes sense to put them up now before it really starts snowing.  They probably just have them on to test them out.”

Nope.

I forgot to warn my mother about it before she came over to my house one evening and since she suffers from Post Traumatic Holiday Disorder, I really should have been more conscientious.

“Catherine,” she said, trying to catch her breath.  “Someone has their Christmas lights on!  What day is it?  Did I lose holiday time again???  Did I black out???”

I, for one, do not turn on my Christmas lights until the first of December.  Last night, I was outside freezing my Christmas giblets off trying to get them up when I realized that half of them didn’t work (of course).  So I got into my Christmas sleigh (also known as my Honda Odyssey) and ran to Target for some plain, white non-blinking Christmas lights.

No luck.

They had racing lights.  They had icicle lights.  They had racing icicle lights.  Colored icicles, LEDs, pearl lights, and lights in the shape of a fishing net.  Twinkle lights, timed lights, and lights that will actually get up out of your bushes and do the cha-cha. 

But not one set of plain, white lights.

I’ve now realized that I’m completely antiquated when it comes to Christmas decorations.  My kids have complained that I’m too boring, refusing to buy the lights that race and make my house look like a giant helicopter pad.  I have never bought anything that blows up, projects, or plays “Jingle Bells” when you walk past it.

What really made me realize that I’m out-of-touch, Christmasly, is when I saw this lovely decoration at (where else?)  Wal-mart the other day and wondered about the demographic out there who buys it:

‘Cause nothing says “Merry Christmas” like Santa taking a holiday s*%t.

The Top 10 Things I'm Thankful For This Year: Herman Cain, the End of "Twilight" and Matching Socks....

'Tis the time of the year for Thanksgiving.  And even when times are hard and sometimes it seems like there's nothing to be thankful for..I am hoping to provide you with inspiration and hope for the holiday season.

This year, I am thankful...

10.  That Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries did not procreate.

9.  That I am not Dovahkiin Tom Kellermaryer's  kindergarten teacher.  (That's right, folks.  The parents named him after a character in a video game so that they could get free video games for life.  For crying out loud...have some pride.  My kid's not named Bud Light for nothing.)


8.  That on August 23, 2011 after taking a load of laundry out of the dryer...all of my socks matched.  It was 5:03 PM.  I'll never forget it.

7.  That Herman Cain has given Saturday Night Live something to work with.


6.  That Twilight has finally hit dawn.


5.  That producers are finally talking about The Real Housewives of Fargo.  (Incidentally...if that doesn't sell, DIY is talking about picking it up for Disaster House.)


4.  That Kate Middleton might be pregnant.  (And personally I hope that means she starts craving Twinkies by the case.)


3.  That pepper spray apparently now comes in large pressurized canisters so that you can spray people just for the hell of it.

2.  That Al Roker is starting to hit his breaking point.  Could be sunny and 70 with zero humidity in New York and he still looks pissed.  (By the way...Willard Scott is sounding slightly annoyed about reporting the birthdays of 102-year-olds who are 30 years younger than he is.  "Al gets the weather...and I get...SMUCKERS?  WTF?")


1.  And the number one thing I'm grateful for...

anyone who had the patience to read through this list of news and non-news.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

love to you all

Whew. Another Birthday Behind Us. We Made It.

Whew.

We made it.

Another birthday has come and gone.

We spent the weekend in a way that I thought you would enjoy:  Eating junk food, watching movies, and visiting you up in the mountains.

It's strange how I've come to think of your birthday as almost my Widow New Year.  Even though other milestones have happened since the anniversary of your death, I always think of your birthday as the beginning of the next year of milestones.

And now we've celebrated our 5th birthday without you.

Hard to believe, isn't it?

So much has changed.

She's so beautiful and independent.  Today when we threw rocks in the stream, she broke off from the two younger ones, ready to do her own thing.  I guess that's something I should start preparing myself for.  Creative, smart, and never one to give in to the girl drama at school...I know you'd be pretty damn proud of her.

He's so smart...half the time I don't even understand the questions he's asking so I'm completely ill-prepared to give him the answer (Google-ing has become an every night activity).  I know he wishes he had the parent around who would help him take things apart to see how they work...rather than the one who sighs with impatience at the mess he's created.  Sweet, mellow, and the kid who has most of the moms at school saying to their sons, "Ask him over for a play date"...I have a feeling part of his brilliance later in life will be quietly creating trouble and not getting caught.  Just like his dad.

And her.  The one you got to know the least.  Fierce.  Funny.  Fiercely funny.  Her personality matches that wild head of hair and she insisted that she wear her pink cowgirl boots today.  She's in ballet now, but I have a feeling that it won't be too long before she discovers that she can't be contained in a light pink leotard and tights.  She's already passed all of her requirements for school this year and spends a lot of her time socializing and making a little mischief.  Sound familiar?

And me?  How am I doing?

Well, this year was easier than last.  There was less fear of your birthday looming before me and not as many tears.  I think I've spent more time recently looking ahead than glancing behind.  Life has had its hiccups, as life does, but they haven't derailed me as they would have in the past.


Going to the cemetery on your birthday will never be something I get used to and every year I wish we weren't doing it.  I brought you your usual beer and the kids stared at me and laughed as I toasted your headstone, took a sip, and then poured the rest on you. 

It makes me feel good that they are learning that grieving in an unconventional way is sometimes the best way to go.

As I took the pictures today, I couldn't help but wonder what was the point.

But then I realized I wanted to pretend, just for a second, that I was coming home to show you pictures of the kids and let you in on what we're up to.

And I guess in a way that's what I'm doing.

But in my heart I hope that you're always with us.

And that you already know.