Monday, November 15, 2010


Going through a loss like this has us all asking the same question:


To be honest...I try not to ask it too often.  But it’s really not something you can help.  And when I really think about it...I’m not sure I really want to know the answer. 

If I really asked the question, “Why was my husband taken away from his children when they were just babies?” and got an would still be incomprehensible to me.

If I asked the question, “Why did my husband have to leave me to deal with this all on my own?” and got an answer...I would still be angry.

If I asked the question, “Why did this happen?” and got an answer...I don’t think I’d be any further along than I am now.

So I really just try not to ask.

The truth is...death makes no sense.  How many of us have spent years with someone who was the picture of health...only to be shocked by how random death can be?  How many of us survived the dangerous teenage years with someone who drove too fast and constantly tested fate...only to lose them on their commute to work?  How many of us did everything the doctors told us to do...only to find out that our loved one only had weeks left?

And Keith Richards is still alive?  Again...makes no sense.

Going through something like this makes most of us doubt what we thought were “sure things” our entire lives.  That if we worked hard, loved each other, and were just generally good people...we would be rewarded by a long, happy, boring life together.

We all have our ways of rationalizing what has happened.  Some turn to God and get comfort in the belief that He has a master plan and that plan will lead us to a point where we’ll all meet again.  Some turn away from God, angry that a spirit so in control of what happens here and who they have put all of their trust and hope into...should suddenly turn on them in this way.  And some have never given religion a second thought and believe that it plays no part in how or why this happened.

I’m betting at this point...most of you are trying to figure out which way I’m leaning.  But I don’t write to persuade anyone to go the same direction I’m going.  In reality...I understand all points of view...the comfort that comes with believing, the anger that comes with disappointment, and the lack of believing in anything at all.

No matter what your beliefs, the question of “why” will have you running in circles for the rest of your life, if you don’t get a handle on it.  On our darkest days, of course we’re going to ask that question into the thin air that won’t answer back.  Just don’t let the question of “why” paralyze you.  You may know the answer some day.  You may not.  Until then, you have to do your best to live the life you have now.  Be good to people.  Do a few things your old self wouldn’t do.  Go out and have fun every once in awhile.

I mean...why not?


  1. Thank You!!You are AWESOME WC!!!

  2. My old self would never have gotten on a motorcycle. My new self (the new self I never wanted to be, as I was perfectly happy as the old, wife self) rode on one yesterday.

    What on earth would my husband have thought of this? Basically that's the question I keep coming back to about all sorts of things. (My new self went to an Auburn football game yesterday and had a blast; my old self wasn't interested in football.) Who am I now?

    But I don't know that I've ever asked "Why?" Maybe I will someday; meanwhile, I just can't imagine there could ever be any satisfying or acceptable answer to that question. So I've never asked it.

  3. Hey Karen, friends of ours always stopped by before going on to DC for rolling thunder. This year the friend took me (and was I a sight, not your usual biker babe with a visor stuck under the helmet, a white shirt against the sun, what would my Dear have thought? (Thankfully our friend didn;t care, lol!)

    And WC, I've seen your pic, you are too young but the Keith Richards remark was too funny. I think I will no longer be waiting for the time I want to slap 'god' silly. I'll have some questions but until then this small being will try to be good to people and do her best to live the life she now has. After all, it is a space that needs to filled lovingly.

    Thanks girl, you know, in riding it said if you want to jump a fence, throw your heart over - your horse and you will follow. I think you already know this and throw your heart over the fence daily.

  4. I think my favorite line had to be "And Keith Richards is still alive?" :) Well done, WC. Well done. :)

  5. Why.....that's the question that will eat you up because we don't get to know the answer...ever....

  6. Great post! The "why's" suck. I don't think I'd be satisfied by any answers at this point. I'd still have to do all that I do. You are so right about the "why not".

  7. The Why I have is, Why couldn't I have been on the back of that bike with him, we were suppose to go together. :( We rode together that morning and I got hot, so I wanted him to bring me home.

  8. Linda, I love that line, "throw your heart over." I must try to remember it, and learn how to do it again.

  9. I know that others have said this already, but the Keith Richards comment was the best thing I've heard yet since being widowed....