Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Year's Resolve

First of all, when I typed in "New Year's Resolution Images" into Google, this picture of Speedy Gonzolas came up.  I don't know why, but I liked it, so I'm going with it.


re·solve:  to come to a determination; make up one's mind; determine

As with all of the holidays, New Year’s has snuck up on me this year.  I really don’t know if it’s because I’ve been so busy or if the holiday blues crept in without me noticing…but for some reason it just doesn’t feel like New Year’s Eve to me today.

Last night, as I was doing the dishes, I was thinking to myself, “Maybe you’re having the let-down after the holidays.  Maybe that’s what’s got you noncommittal in the celebratory category.”

But since I really wasn’t looking forward to the holidays that much to begin with…could I really have that big of a let-down when they were done?

It’s pretty bad when you’re so not invested in the holidays that you can’t even determine whether you have the holiday blues or you’re just overwhelmed with life in general.

I know much is being made about 2012 and the end of the world as we know it (now you’ll have that REM song stuck in your head for the rest of the day).  I haven’t thought much about it and I know I should.  The only thing about the end of the world that has caught my attention is Chipotle keeps running this radio advertisement, talking about the end of the world and encouraging the listeners that before that happens…they should eat more burritos.

I sure wish I’d been in on the Marketing meeting when they determined that was a good idea.  Do you think the guys over at Burger King are smacking their heads saying, “UGH!!!  Why didn’t we think of that???”

I’ve never been a big believer on New Year’s resolutions.  Frankly, I’ve always thought that if I’m not going to decide to lose 10 lbs. or organize my purse on July 20th, chances are there is nothing magical about December 31st (except that I might have had enough wine to truly think it was possible) that will make all of these promises to better myself come true.

This year is no different.  I’m not promising myself that I’ll lose the baby weight from the almost 6-year-old who’s running around my house.  I’m not deluding myself into thinking that 2012 will be the magical year that I get more organized.  I may, if pushed by others at the stroke of midnight, give into peer pressure and make the New Year’s resolution to set my alarm 15 minutes earlier every morning.

When secretly I know that just gives me 15 more minutes of snooze time.

For some reason, New Year’s “Resolution” just sounds too upbeat to me.  Blowing a horn at midnight and declaring with giddy abandon that I’m going to cut all carbs and sugar and start doing wheat grass shots daily just sounds unnatural.  And in my opinion, most New Year’s Resolutions are something along those lines:  They’re something we really don’t want to do and usually something that indicates that we’re not perfect, declared in public and often in front of people we don’t even know.

I mean, on a normal day, I wouldn’t tell a stranger that I’m 10 lbs. overweight and I can’t find the surface of my desk.  Why am I doing it now?

To me, it would make more sense to call it my “New Year’s Resolve.”  I don’t know why (because both words mean pretty much the same thing), but that just sounds more definite and more business-like.  For example:  

“This year, I resolve to go to the gym more.”

See?  I’m not happy about it, but I’m making the commitment.  Doesn’t that just sound more realistic than saying, as you slur your words over a glass of champagne at midnight tonight, “My New Year’s Resolution this year is to get fitter than I’ve ever been.  Now, where did those sausage balls go?”

Or, “This year, I resolve to be nicer to that co-worker who talks too loud and, I swear, has some sort of flatulence problem that he seems to be completely unaware of.”

Now, that’s a goal.  It just implies that you have a plan.  Like you’re not going to send him anonymous nasty emails anymore or put that chewed up gum under his desk where he’s sure to step on it.  Good for you and your resolve.  I’m proud of you.  You’re really growing.  I can tell.

I’ll be honest…I’m still working on my New Year’s Resolve.  Not that I’m implying that I’m perfect.  Far from it.  I’m just lazy.  I’ve been thinking about it all day and I’ve only come up with one thing that truly makes sense and that I feel 100% confident I can accomplish.

“This year, I resolve to make my kids do more chores around the house so I don’t have to.”

Wow.  I just realized that I took care of their resolve and mine.

Looks like I’m becoming more efficient already.  And I still have 12 hours to go.

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