I've been in the fortunate position these last seven years of not being forced to leave and being able to make this choice when it's the right time. And it is the right time - in many ways, I'm ready for a new chapter and to not be in a house that has always been ours. It's time to move into a space that is mine, a home where I can see myself raising my kids and being comfortable in after they've left the nest.
But.
It's a process. Throughout the last seven years, I've done a lot of purging and packing, trying to slowly move myself forward. And again, I've been fortunate that I've been able to do this on my own timeline and not anyone else's.
So, when I started the major purging last week, I braced myself every morning for what I might find. The work was exhausting, not just because it was so physical, but it took an emotional toll as well (which was probably worse). And for the most part, I did okay. I already knew that I was ready to get rid of our oh-so-classy college shot glass collection (yes, I did keep a few for shooter emergencies) and I can't say I was all that teary when I packed up a huge skull beer mug that we got when we were in Vegas.
It was silly stuff - or what would be silly stuff to other people. My hands shook when I found an old phone bill of Brad's from college, meaningless paperwork to someone else but it was part of his life. Who did he talk to? Was it me? And then remembering how hard we had to work to talk to each other during the time of long distance calls and shared dormitory phones. Was that during this life or a previous one? It's hard to tell sometimes.
His old report cards from the Air Force Academy.
An expense report from a business trip.
A small photo album that had his friends' senior pictures in it.
Photos of him and his high school girlfriend (okay, that I could part with pretty easily).
Don't get me started on his tools. AGAIN.
All of these little things. Junk to some, but found treasure to me.
I think it hit me on about Day Three of packing - I was digging deep in the back of my desk drawer and I found an old Valentine's Day card. The tears began to fall and didn't stop the rest of the day. I cried at the gas station. I cried in the bathroom. I cried just about any moment I stood still and sniffled when I wasn't crying. It was one of those good ones, you know? When you just know you're getting stuff out that needs to come out. It just came and came, not in a sob, but a good solid cry.
And that's okay.
My therapist asked me the other day what I can do through this process to honor Brad and still move forward. And I knew what she meant, but I didn't really have an answer for her. The kids and I went through a lot together and they helped me figure out what they thought was worth keeping and what they didn't. I needed that because a lot of what I keep is for them, so they'll know their dad.
Anyway, I've been thinking about my therapist's question this last week and the truth is that there is no hard and fast way that I can honor Brad through this process, mainly because I feel like I honor him by how I live every day. And I think he would understand why I'm making this move and that I'm not leaving one of piece of him behind - he's coming with me in this life wherever I go.
Still....
I'm sorry we couldn't be together, too.
The things that make you cry! I was helping a colleague find videos of brides walking themselves down the aisle (because that's what her daughter is doing), and I stumbled on one of a mom walking her daughter. I fell apart realizing that will be me and my daughter someday, now that my husband has passed away. Stupid youtube.
ReplyDeleteDo you need an urgent spell to get your ex back, there is a great spiritualist who can help you, his name is Dr Brave!!
ReplyDeleteAn amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my husband back to me.. My name is Natasha Johnson,i live in Florida,USA,and I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/},if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to the Dr Brave for bringing back my husband ,and brought great joy to my family once again. { bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, Thanks..
My husband died in November, so things are still pretty raw. I've gotten to the point where I still cry every day, but at least I'm not crying all day. I never know what will set me off. On Friday, a woman in my office announced that she and her husband were celebrating their 43rd wedding anniversary. That started a general conversation where all the married women chimed in with how many years they'd been married. All of a sudden, I couldn't hold back the tears. My husband and I celebrated our 20th anniversary but we didn't make it to our 21st.
ReplyDeleteDuring a move everything is possible! People cried over the phone many times! It is really stressful. Thanks for the post! Greetings, Man With Van Croydon Ltd.
ReplyDeleteHow I Get My Husband Back With The Help Of Dr Brave The Best Love Spell Caster
ReplyDeleteHello to every one out here, Am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me,My name is Mary Owen, I live in London,UK. we got married for more than 11 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr Brave for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still live me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he Dr Brave casted on him that make him come back to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Brave for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact Dr Brave ,if you need his help you can contact him through his private mail: bravespellcaster@gmail.com or you can contact him through his website http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/ and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.
ReplyDeleteHi everyone, I'm testify how i Got my Husband back after a Divorce !!!
I'm Tiffany Wilson From California, after Five years of marriage,
My Husband divorces me off no reason, I cried all through and try all the possible best I could to make everything work out for good and to get him back but to no avail, I was confused and frustrated until I crossed a site of Dr Frank Ojo, I read everything completely on the site, it was talking about Love spells and reunion marriage spells and different types of spells, I was more confused on what to do because I don’t believe on spell casters mostly on Love spells, though I decided to give a try out, I contacted Dr Frank Ojo and explained everything completely to him on what I am passing through to my own greatest surprise, Dr Frank Ojo told me that my husband is going to call me back to come home after two days he has finished casted the spell. I have believed on him and so surprising really my husband calls me back home and ask for forgiveness and he promised to Love me only and forever be with me only. All great thanks to Dr Frank Ojo for his marvelous spell work, contact him today by his Email: Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com ,website info: http://lovespell2.yolasite.com , If you have any problem contact him, I give you 100% guarantee that he will help you, Thanks to Dr Frank Ojo.
I never ever read such type of info before this was really incredible.
ReplyDeleteoriginal iphone packaging
transit packaging