Monday, April 6, 2015

I WANNA GO HOME

I have a cold.  And I'm cranky.  I'm sitting at the library because my house is being shown and there's a guy sitting right next to me who WON'T SHUT UP as I try to write a speech.

Maybe I should sneeze on him.

I haven't been sick for an entire year and in the last couple of weeks I've endured the stomach bug from hell and this cold that my sister keeps telling me is allergies and I assure you IT'S NOT.

Sorry.  Cranky.

My realtor told me that it's because I've been under a lot of stress lately which is probably true.  That and I live in a house with three school-age children and therefore we are a petri dish of whatever the schools might be passing around that particular week.

Anyway, I know I'm stressed.  Actually, I'm feeling quite lost right now.

Last night I was journaling about everything that's going on and I realized something.  I know that leaving my house - the house that my husband and I bought together - will be difficult, but I can feel myself making peace with it.  It's like a long break-up process where I'm trying to reconcile my feelings for the ex before I move on to the new guy.

If that makes any sense.  Keep in mind this could just be the antihistamines talking.

I've always been a homemaker - even when I worked full-time.  My home is my haven and I would choose to be there over almost anyplace else in the world.  In fact, last year when my kids were at camp for two weeks, I didn't even go anywhere.  I just stayed home.

It was bliss.

As I was writing last night, I realized that part of what's so hard right now is not just that I'm breaking up with my house, but also that I'm unsure about my new relationship because I don't know where I'm going.  I'm in this weird in-between place where I don't have a firm grasp on where home is or is going to be.

And for a homebody like me...that really sucks.

I just have this feeling of floating through my life right now (antihistamines?) and not being grounded the way I like to be.  I know that home will be wherever the kids and I make it, but it takes time to fully commit and breathe that sigh of relief when you walk in the door. And I want that NOW.

And, Brad, if you're reading this...stop making lightbulbs burn out at the house right before I have a showing.  If you have something to say then just say it and stop being so damn passive-aggressive.

Geez.

2 comments:

  1. I've been thinking about selling my home too. We lived here, out small family, since 1990. I've never lived anywhere as long as I've lived in this house. I want to go somewhere, start over, meet new people. It sounds awful. But I've not reached the place I can leave it. I love my home so much. My granddaughter loves the big backyard where her father planted a tree when he was 8. My husband's been dead 7 yrs next January but the place is permeated with him and my life. Good luck with your sale and new start.

    I find it amusing you left that comment "How I Got My Ex Back"... really poor taste on her part.

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  2. I thought it was over for me when my husband left. I gave all i have for the marrige to work but it was all failure. 4month after my partner left me for another person, i was introduced to DR OHIMAL and he helped me bring back my husband in 48hrs. Now we are fully okay and i am 2months pregnant. I promised DR OHIMAL that i will tell everybody about him if it works. I am very glad for living a happy life with my love. He did it for me and i am 100% sure that he will do yours. I am a living example. you can contact him on drohimalspelltemple@gmail.com

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