Love the One(s) You're With

Well, here it is.  The dreaded V-Day.

I know there are a lot of people who are having a hard day today.  And as much as I would love to be able to fix that in Widow World...my magic wand is in the shop.  I’m hoping to have it back by Spring.

As I watched 2 of my kids get ready for school today, so excited about their Valentine’s Day parties, it really got me thinking about how this day changes for us throughout our lives.

They left with bags full of $2.00-a-box Valentine’s with Littlest Pet shop and Spiderman on them, lollipops and chocolates taped to the back.  Great care had been taken with their Valentine’s boxes and I’m preparing myself for the little Sugar-Highs I will be picking up this afternoon.

By the time they’re teenagers they’ll be wishing less for a box full of Valentine’s and more for one from someone really special.  Maybe by the time they will be able to drive, my daughter will be going out on a date with someone who shows up with a pink carnation and my son will be taking that special girl to a romantic dinner at Chili’s.

Eventually, with any luck, they will be as lucky as I was and meet someone who will complain about Valentine’s Day, but who will pick up flowers on his/her way home from work anyway because they don’t want the phrase “long dry spell” to apply to them.

And, if there’s any justice in the world, they will never know what it’s like from that moment on...to spend a Valentine’s Day alone.

The first Valentine’s Day I spent without my husband felt painful because he wasn’t here and it was just a huge reminder that I was alone.  At first, I didn’t even remember it that was Valentine’s Day until I went to the grocery store for a gallon of milk and saw all of these men exiting with bouquets of flowers.

Which caused me to give up on the milk and head for the wine.

The following years, Valentine’s Day didn’t seem quite as painful and this year I can honestly say...I’m doing okay.  And that’s because I’m changing how Valentine’s Day is defined in our house.

It’s not about being a “couple” for me anymore.  It’s just about telling someone you love them.

I’m learning this lesson from my children who, at this age, are not concerned with romance and couldn’t wait to wake their mom up with home-made cards with hearts and a big hug.  I thought about how I spent this last weekend, Saturday night with one of my best friends, in sweats and no make-up, eating gumbo and a box of mixed chocolates that I’d bought for her because she was the closest thing I would have to a Valentine’s date this year.

And I had a great time.

So...how am I spending Valentine’s Day this year?  Well, right now I’m laying in my bed, with the cutest 5-year-old girl I know, watching “Ramona & Beezus.”  We’ve just painted our toenails red and we’re not quite sure if we’re even going to get dressed today.

I didn’t have to shave my legs.

I’m not going to have to wait an hour for a table for dinner (because I’ll probably be at McDonald’s).

My biggest pressure today? 

Making sure the people in my life know they are loved.  And reminding myself that I’m loved in return.



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© Catherine Tidd 2011